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Exams make you fat

You know what is the best way to gain weight? Go immerse yourself in exams. No exercise, no nothing, just eat, study, sleep, almost like a sedentary pig. And you'll be able to bombard yourself excuses like, "I need this to stay awake so I can study" or "it's alright, this will give me energy". Worse, "I'll just binge now and lose weight like mad after this(which of course, never comes to past)". In the name of fluffy clouds and maple syrup bunnies, I'm so terrified of the scale now, because I do not know which radio station will come up when I step on it.

Chemistry paper was screwed, like, screwed to the point the screw breaks. I left out one whole essay question, please tell me I did not lose 10 marks. No, shut up. It just happened that the clock was moving faster than usual, don't blame me, I did my best(?). Almost in the juxtaposition of the minute I left the hall, I felt like getting drunk by drinking up hydrochloric acid, sodium hydoxide and maybe ethanoic acid from the chemistry lab one floor down. And I stayed up a whole night doing the ten-years series!? I need to numb myself with a gallon maple syrup flushing down my throat. This whole prelims is death I tell you, seriously, I've never done worse. It'd be like, term 2 to term 3, massive super steep gradient in results then prelim becomes some landslide from Mount Bunny I tell you. Yes, that is the tallest mountain on Earth, you shut up, it really is.

This is seriously major suckass. It feels like a suicide attempt, except that it is a failed suicide - whereby not only do you live with physical injuries, you end up in jail. This is fail I tell you, just like being licked by a dog with rabies, this is fail. I'm going to bitch about the world now. My er, fleshiness, my impending kismet with epiphany of my unglamourous results. Like, totally unglamorous, give me make-up please, more, more. Alright, that sidetracking was so undramatic, so not me.

Disclaimer, from here onwards, it is not very intriguing to read.

I recently had the song, "Time of My Life" replaying all over my mind again. It just unleashes all those setbacks like an endless avalanche, huge impact. Am I just foolhardily pressing on blindly, or truly is this feasible? I cannot pull myself back anymore, because I believe in faith. Still, it never fails to shake me skeptical. Is this truly faith, or just blatant, blind stubbornness? I looked at that letter, the words seemingly just font 12 but it seems to scream out to me like font 12 x 10^5423642753650 or something. It blinds me, but I always say, no matter what, I can, I really can. Because like the lyric says, "holding onto things and vanished them to the air left me in pieces, but now I'm rising from the ashes", poignantly epitomizing my situation, but then it says - "find my wings and that I needed was there all along within my reach, as close as the beat of my heart". It just reminds me, and I allowing these things to obscure my vision of my dream? Perhaps, I am a fool, a very obstinate one. But I chose to think I'm just being obdurately inexorable, because the best is yet to be.

Lord, through the odds, I still stubbornly choose to believe - and that is what You taught me to do, to have the faith to believe. I believe in miracles, against impossibilities and hopelessness, I am Your Son. Make it all worthwhile, because I know you will. It will be the time of my life, because my vision is not just a vision, but the mental manifestation of what is about to be. I've decided to be a steward of Your Glory Lord, allow me to be Your Beacon and share Your Miracles as I show them the omnipotent reality of faith.

I'll fight, I'll fight.

Rebellion against hibernation, part II

Apparently, it's been 2 consecutive days since I last slept. Yes, worship me. Blargh, physics paper was like, doing photocopied worksheets of the ten years series. Like, why did I sacrifice my sleep for it? Oh well, at least on the brighter note, I'd have less to study for "O" levels.

Right now, I'm like sinning in vertex gulping a seemingly very innocent can of orange soda. It's been ages since I ever ravaged on sodas, being almost Nazi about calories and such, so much I think I'm being deprived of teenage life. Alright, since it's just science pratical papers tomorrow, it means I don't have to feed my brain to the books. Therefore, I shall perform for you a serious ranting about certain people today.

Have you ever seen people with bodies that appear to be manifestations of anorexia? Of course you have, as have all of us. But it remains one of the top 10 most humanly acidulous things that these people - yes, the stick people - actually binge like they're Michael Phelps, who burns a thousand calories per hour with his god-like schedule of herculean energy expenditure. Michael Phelps eats more than 12,000 calories a day, and normal humans, like me(yes, normal = phat and pork-like) actually need less than 2,000 calories a day - anymore and it's weight gain. And the serious irk is that, these anorexic-body-colossal-digestive-machines spend only a nano-fraction of their life on exercising. O my God in heaven hear my plea, why hath thou createth my stomach unlike they?

One such example would be the very petite little Japanese lass called Gal Sone. A picture speaks a thousand words. What about videos - a.k.a., moving pictures?



My heart is impaled in the depths of envy, words alone suffice not my jealousy. O the spirits of air, hear me thee, let the unfairness not to be.

Updates, finally, yes.

Alright, it's been seriously ages since I last blog. But you cannot blame a very innocent little school boy for being so busy with his studies can you? It appears that the exams have developed for me a very sick and perverted pleasure - I'm actually starting to enjoy studying. Serious, I'm so not lying I tell you.

And that's the catch isn't it? When you start enjoying the subject, you enjoy studying the subject and it ain't such a chore anymore, you dig? Yes, seriously applaud for my attainment of nirvana.

The exams also directed me to the discovery of caffeine. It might be there all along, but I've just been ignoring it, but this substance is magic, no joke. A cup of black coffee, two dollops of sugar, a very hyperactive Sae that had unearthly amounts of energy. I haven't slept for a whole night, and yet I'm still feeling energetic, how amazing is that thing? I've decided to make black coffee and obscene amounts of sugar my best friends for these few weeks. Blargh, that's good diet too, caffeine increases metabolism ((:

And these days, I'm craving to run for no apparent reason as well. I think I'm having male PMS. Hugs, bolsters, conversations, chocolates, even tofu - these random cravings just ambush me in the middle of the night and leave me whining for them, victimizing me and leaving me unglamourous as can be. I cannot understand that jelly up in my skull seriously, what is it doing to me!?

I'm seriously allowing myself to waste time today, because I'm actually blogging. It was a irresistable urge stimulated by the keyboard towards my fingers, triggering the receptors to send nervous impulses to the central nervous system via the sensory neurones, whereby the brain, upon receiving the impulses relayed over by the relay neurones from the sensory neurones send nerve impulse via the motor neurone back towards my fingers, the effectors, which respond in this very sacred piece of blog post. Yes, I love biology ((:

So, kids, he who is shameless shall now say good bye to kiss his books' asses. Remember to stay up late and kill some bunnies!


Pain, you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers, you just breath deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed but sometimes the pain gets you where you least expect it. Hits way below the belt and doesn't let up. Pain, you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can't outrun it and life always makes more.

Dr. Meredith Grey
Grey's Anatomy

That's quite true!

disclaimer : I did not write this myself, please look at the link at the end of the evaluation, thank you (: What Sae Seah Chun Heng Means

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong. You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know. You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out. Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia. Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person. You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily. You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind. A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable. You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way. And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life. You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it. You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals. You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life. You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone. Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs.

Click : What's" Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

I can never forgive myself

Blue Skies

I spent my night yesterday thinking of my mother. Whatever it is, I truly miss her. And whilst writing the essay on today's chinese paper, memories of my mother flooded my mind. Most coincidentally, the comprehension paper featured a poignant passage of motherly grief and seperation with the son.

I remember how I always clung onto her legs, and hid behind her thighs because I was so uncomfortable with strangers. And growing up, from the time since I was an infant, I've seen many times my mother suffered nervous breakdown from all the pressure. But again, she stayed strong for me, and my siblings. Knowing how she comes to my grandmother's place everyday to look after my brother before rushing to work, and how she always misses the family, her pure, unadulterated, desire to see the family together. To her, nothing else matters as long as she can make her children happy. Such unconditionality, where else can it exist?

I've sort of recovered from my emotional battle with loneliness I guess, I refused to face my feelings and give it to feeling unhappy. I might still feel quite horrible in class, being lonely and all. But I've got friends, I've finally got friends. People like Wei Liang, Wei Jun, Wei Jian, they're really great, great, people. Funny how they start their names with "Wei", but what matters is, I've got friends. And another great friend, Mrs Elaine Foo! Love her so much, she's such a tacky, down-to-earth, selfless yet optimistic inspiration! It's quite the pity that she doesn't get to celebrate her teachers day like the others and had to run the rehearsal. She is a great, great, person as well. And subconciously, perhaps, I've developed a liking to talk to her, because she's more than a teacher. A friend, and whatever the motivators cannot give. I'd dedicate the teacher's day award to her, unconditionally.

But I cannot deny that, once I step out of school, and when my phone is away, I develope this very dreadful feeling again. My head feels so heavy, and as I look to the infinite skies, it served as a stark reminder on how I was alone again. People have their lives to live, and I'd be selfish to want friends like that, perhaps I'm becoming an attention seeker. The paradoxes of life is so humorous, it's verging on morbidity - it's those who are lonely that are afraid to be lonely. I think I might have autophobia, even though I've been lonely for as long as I can imagine. But sometimes...... It really torments me at how quiet my foot steps are. I long for a day when I hear foot steps, not just of my own, but of many, whom I love. But never have I been able to feel comfortable in this flesh, always, this self-concious spirits in me would remind me constantly, and harp upon my certain insecurities, only fuelling my fear of getting to close to people. As much as I desire love, I'm cautious of love. My life is a living irony, but in this irony I feel tension. The tension of opposites, as Morrie Schwartz the professor would say, mentioned in the book, "Tuesdays with Morrie".

It's the facade I have everyday, the insecurities hidden, but brimming in my heart. But as long as people lives, hope lives. The society of today might have taken away humanity, but in the hearts of human, God created an unwavering twinkle of hope, just like the Pandora's box. And as I know how terrifying life can be, and how much hurt a human relationship can bring, I've also learnt how much more optimism I can face life with when I have a relationship with another human. I might have been forced numb by the person whom I had to say "bye" to in the previous post, but Wei Liang have somehow made it alive, again. Wei Jun and Wei Jian might not know much about me, but they don't show discrimination, and are very accepting people. And it dawned upon me, maybe it might not be friends I crave for, it's more like, acceptance. And acceptance can only come from friends and loved ones. So I've just gone round the bush. But I've learn to allow myself to be a little happier, because I believe it is a choice.

"People shouldn't dwell on the past. It's enough to try your best in all that you're doing now."

~

"Even though I have been hurt before by those heartless glares this also helped me to understand that around me, there still exists some gentle glares. Therefore, I definitely won't run away. That's what I'll do. Definitely. Always."

~

"If you look up at the sky after falling down, the blue sky is still stretching limitlessly and smiling at me...... I'm alive."

~

- Ikeuchi Aya, One Litre of Tears.