Surprise, Surprise
You know what? I'm elated!
Never in my whole life have I expected myself to be able to like, do chemistry! Other than principles of accounts, chemistry is my worst subject! And just when I thought about my hopelessness and stupidity, I actually could do the questions in the paper!
No guaranteed passes, or ace. But I know it truly is a personal breakthrough! And not only chemistry could be done, english was of a standard I can cope with as well! Probably because it was of a topic I could very much relate to? I don't know. But I'm starting to feel like, studying, DOES pay off and it inspires and motivates me to study harder.
But alas, always the habitual procrastinator, I'm afraid that malignant habit would start haunting me again, clinging on to me like a parasite. Next up, biology and principle of accounts. Now, principle of accounts is to everyone's knowledge, what I'm terribly and regrettably infamous for. I'm the black sheep who caused the class mean to drop, the stupid retard that failed even under the guidance of the very good mentor, Mr Samuel Goh. I don't know if I can do it, I bought "O" level notes and stuff, but I can understand nothing. Once again, I feel utterly moronic and I think I belong to a special school instead. Nevertheless, I would want to try again, and be hopeful I can do the paper.
I prayed hard during cell group meeting, in my prayer questioning again and again if it ever is possible for me to experience a miracle in principles of accounts. Honestly, even though I know it's very bleak and hopeless but if God could revive chemistry for me, why can't He do the same for accounts as well? At the same time, I truly hope to manage AT LEAST a pass for all my subjects in this mid-year exam. Because I've spent truly gargantuan effort and though I won't be surprise of failures, I know at least I've done my best and these few months to "O" levels, I must not disappoint anyone no longer.
My grandmother has only this amount of time to live, my future is fragile but hopeful, Miss Aljunied has cared and sacrificed tremendously for me, my father has always been agitated because of my stupid actions and my mother had shed countless tears for me. If I do not do my best, I think I'm being very selfish and unfair, not just to these people and to God, but to myself as well.
Honestly, this post could be simply the manifestation of a sudden burst of motivation, nevertheless, I really pray hard that this can last and that I will do better and harder. I'm so surprised I could do my chemistry. I am not sure about the fate of this paper, but I'm hopeful. And it's that hope that keeps me going. Thanks Jeanette and Kim for constantly encouraging me and fighting alongside with me throughout this whole arduous journey. But I know that however tough this may be, I'm tougher, because I've got Jesus.
Sorry for sounding a little religious, but it's allowing me to fight on hard. I do not know how long can this optimism last, but I honestly hope to do well and even if I fail, I'm glad to know I've done my best. Maybe I might break down like I did last year, or maybe I might cry, with joy, for a change. I don't know. But I sure wish the latter would happen - though hope is frail, it's hard to kill.
And again, to all my loved ones, I love you.
Never in my whole life have I expected myself to be able to like, do chemistry! Other than principles of accounts, chemistry is my worst subject! And just when I thought about my hopelessness and stupidity, I actually could do the questions in the paper!
No guaranteed passes, or ace. But I know it truly is a personal breakthrough! And not only chemistry could be done, english was of a standard I can cope with as well! Probably because it was of a topic I could very much relate to? I don't know. But I'm starting to feel like, studying, DOES pay off and it inspires and motivates me to study harder.
But alas, always the habitual procrastinator, I'm afraid that malignant habit would start haunting me again, clinging on to me like a parasite. Next up, biology and principle of accounts. Now, principle of accounts is to everyone's knowledge, what I'm terribly and regrettably infamous for. I'm the black sheep who caused the class mean to drop, the stupid retard that failed even under the guidance of the very good mentor, Mr Samuel Goh. I don't know if I can do it, I bought "O" level notes and stuff, but I can understand nothing. Once again, I feel utterly moronic and I think I belong to a special school instead. Nevertheless, I would want to try again, and be hopeful I can do the paper.
I prayed hard during cell group meeting, in my prayer questioning again and again if it ever is possible for me to experience a miracle in principles of accounts. Honestly, even though I know it's very bleak and hopeless but if God could revive chemistry for me, why can't He do the same for accounts as well? At the same time, I truly hope to manage AT LEAST a pass for all my subjects in this mid-year exam. Because I've spent truly gargantuan effort and though I won't be surprise of failures, I know at least I've done my best and these few months to "O" levels, I must not disappoint anyone no longer.
My grandmother has only this amount of time to live, my future is fragile but hopeful, Miss Aljunied has cared and sacrificed tremendously for me, my father has always been agitated because of my stupid actions and my mother had shed countless tears for me. If I do not do my best, I think I'm being very selfish and unfair, not just to these people and to God, but to myself as well.
Honestly, this post could be simply the manifestation of a sudden burst of motivation, nevertheless, I really pray hard that this can last and that I will do better and harder. I'm so surprised I could do my chemistry. I am not sure about the fate of this paper, but I'm hopeful. And it's that hope that keeps me going. Thanks Jeanette and Kim for constantly encouraging me and fighting alongside with me throughout this whole arduous journey. But I know that however tough this may be, I'm tougher, because I've got Jesus.
Sorry for sounding a little religious, but it's allowing me to fight on hard. I do not know how long can this optimism last, but I honestly hope to do well and even if I fail, I'm glad to know I've done my best. Maybe I might break down like I did last year, or maybe I might cry, with joy, for a change. I don't know. But I sure wish the latter would happen - though hope is frail, it's hard to kill.
And again, to all my loved ones, I love you.
posted by Jean-Baptiste at
5:07 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home